The Great Christmas Cookie Debacle

I made Christmas cookies this year. It seems like I can only work myself up to the big holiday cookie baking thing once every few years - I may have mentioned that I'm not particularly good in the kitchen. Which is weird, because in many ways it seems like baking really isn't that different from the science that I do for a living. The difference, I guess, is that I understand the science - I know what each component in the reaction is doing, I know which things need to be exact, and which don't, and how one thing is reacting with another, and what each step should look like. Baking, on the other hand, is still a mystery to me.


Every time I bake Christmas cookies, I am reminded of the Great Christmas Cookie Debacle - many years ago, when I was in grad school, a couple of friends came over for a full day of cookie baking. It was fun for the first part of the day, but after a few hours, it turned into an ordeal. Some of the cookie cutters we were using were shaped like a little boy and a little girl, but their darned necks were too thin and their heads kept breaking off, and it began to get very frustrating. And as we became increasingly punchy, we decided there was no sense in letting those broken cookies go to waste. So we used red frosting to make bloody stumps on the broken necks, and used more frosting to glue the broken heads onto the little cookie arms, so that our little Christmas boys and girls were carrying around their own severed heads. We even drew surprised little faces on the disembodied heads for good measure.


One friend started writing some very un-Christmas-y things on the tree- and star-shaped cookies, and the other thought that my dog might have licked one of the cookies that was cooling on the coffee table in the living room (nearly every flat surface of the house was taken up by cookies by that time) but she wasn't sure, and she lost track of which one, so... nothing was done. And when we were putting cookies onto plates, we found a jam thumbprint cookie with a staple sticking out of it. I still have no idea where a staple could have come from - I just hope it was the only one! So, we gave all our friends plates of some of the most gruesome (and potentially dangerous) Christmas cookies anyone has ever seen. Somehow, none of our friends seemed particularly surprised.

This year, I made molasses crinkles, toffee shortbread cookies, and spice slices (which Mr. Geek insisted I put frosting on, making them iced spice splices, I guess.) All nice and normal and festive. Notice how I avoided anything that required cookie cutters. Maybe next year I will be brave enough for that again!

So Happy Holidays to everyone! If you are traveling - be safe! If you are staying at home - have a wonderful staycation! I hope everyone has a great holiday!